I'm bipolar. I blog about it. I also blog about sex, theology and atheology, funny shit and sad shit, books, music, feminism, and love. Mostly love.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Sorrow Floats

I'm feeling really down this week. The Big Black Dog has found its way to me yet again. But I'm so close that I'm going to keep pushing through. It's only a matter of time before none of it matters. But yesterday? Fell asleep at 7:00. Woke up around midnight. Blogged hella lot. Fell back asleep around 2:30, I'm guessing. Had nightmares all night. Kept waking up. It was a strange dream.

I was in an apartment somewhere, and there were lots of people. I'm sure they were people I knew in life, but I couldn't tell you who they were now. People came in and out a lot. That stressed me out because I didn't know when people came in and out, and I was afraid I would let someone in I didn't know, or let someone leave that was too drunk to drive. I couldn't focus very long and my head was spinning. Then someone came to get us, and put us all in different pick-ups. I was in one with a girl and a guy, and there was a saw in the backseat (saw? wtf subconscious?). I cut my fingers on it, and they were split open quite badly. I tried to hold the wound together, but the fingers just kept swelling.

I woke up then and my fingers were kind of hot and a little swollen. I've had another dream like that where someone shot my fingers off. I don't know what the finger obsession is...

Then I fell asleep again. And this time I was back in the apartment. And I don't necessarily want to discuss the rest because it's kind of embarrassing. And I woke up once from that, regrettably. And then again out of fear later. Something must have gone wrong...

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